The Pink Umbrella Girl

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and part of awareness is sharing knowledge and understanding to help others. Breast cancer isn’t pretty, and neither is prevention. It’s not always pink t-shirts, cute sayings and pink ribbons. Sometimes its anxious hearts, scars, bruising, fears and uncertainty. 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Only 10% of those diagnosed will have a family history. Prevention is though what will save lives, and this is my story of prevention.

Every time I go to for my mammogram appointments I always feel like it’s a badge of honor of womanhood. My first mammogram was when I was 32 years old, after my primary doctor found a lump during a routine exam. I remember my first mammogram appointment, I met a woman in the waiting room-there we were all were dressed in pink robes, trying to read an old magazine not wanting to think about why we were in this room and waiting to find out what would show up on the screen. She was poised and beautiful and now looking back, an angel, because she could probably see the worry on my face and how close to tears I was as I was surrounded by women all at least 20-30 years older than me. She made jokes about us all being sisters in the big scheme and how men would never have their parts “smashed” for a test!

A year after my first lump was found my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. I witnessed first-hand how this cancer can take away the feeling of womanhood and leave someone hurt and confused. My mother-in-law is a fighter through and through and an inspiration in so many ways and was the first person close to me to be diagnosed with this dreadful cancer. Today, I am beyond thankful to say this year she is cancer free for 5 years!

In late March of this year I found a lump that fell right on my rib underneath my left breast. Oddly enough I didn’t worry because from my early thirties, I have had more than my fair share of mammograms and ultrasounds due to fibrocystic breasts. When I spoke to my doctor about it I he assured me it was “probably nothing” but to go ahead and send me back to the specialists for review.

I had my mammogram and an ultrasound done and thought everything was normal until two doctors reappeared in the room with the ultrasound tech and explained that there was “something” they had seen on the right breast instead and felt a closer look would be necessary and that I would need to be scheduled for a biopsy. To their surprise however I was the one at ease with this and reassured them that I was happy because I was thankful for prevention after all these years I knew I was truly being taken care of and thanked them.

A week before my niece’s 2nd birthday party in Alabama I went back to the specialists and had a core needle biopsy performed. Thankfully, I learned 3 days later the area was completely benign, but I am forever thankful for the prevention. Thankfully today it wasn’t me. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be in the future. Don’t skip your regular mammograms, do self-breast exams every month. Take these preventative measures and be informed. I am what prevention looks like.

When I moved from Florida to Ohio five years ago this week my Facebook status read: “Where ever you go…go with all your heart. “-Confucius. We are officially on our way to Ohio!” (Thank you, Facebook, memories) Reflecting on the last five years I can truly say I did that-it was one of the hardest things to do- to leave your family, your friends, your hometown and seemingly everything you knew in life-but chasing dreams and the yearn for a better life was all worth it.  I remember breaking the news to our family after a long weekend in Columbus that my husband and I had fell in love his new job opportunity, a new and refreshed hope for our life together and with the city and all that it offered!

In five years, I have had lots of amazing opportunities including traveling abroad, traveling to over 17 different states, being a stay at home dog mom, making new friends, introducing family to my new city and life and crossing many things off my never-ending bucket list! There have been hard times as well- including family illness’s, missing friends and family’s life events, dealing with infertility and days where you miss family so much it literally makes your heart hurt. To be honest though, I’d do it again because of how much I have grown as a person and in my relationship with my husband!

Things I have learned:

1. Thank God for smart phones-text messaging, photo sharing, FB- All of it because it feels like family and friend are that much closer on the hard days or ones when you need advice or to share news with.
2. There will be hard days-you smell the perfume your mom wears and it catches you off guard and all you want is her hug- or you try some amazing ribs and call your brother because you know he’d love them forgetting that he’s a plane ride away-it will happen-and that’s where the smart phone comes in handy!
3. Planning will be essential-Dinner at Mom and Dad’s is no longer around the corner and can’t say let’s meet up later and so I have become nicknamed the “family event planner” and its suites me too-I love planning-planning trips, planning events and dinners for when friends and family visit or for family get togethers!
4. You realize the value of time spent with loved ones or a favorite scenic spot-Time spent with family and friends and back home means more because now you know your time is short and only a visit instead of around the corner or a once a month visit. I try to leave my ringer and notifications off and the camera on to really be in the moments as much as I can. You only have so many moments with some people and places in life-so make the most of them!
5. New adventures will be an every day occurrence-being a Florida girl and only having one grocery store (Publix) her whole life to now having a pick between seven is quite the adventure if I may say so! Ok but seriously-a new town offers new people, new events, new shopping-its endless depending on the city but it’s up to you to discover it!
6. You figure out yourself-I was worried I’d lose my identity moving away but its quite the opposite-when you strip away everything and everybody and focus on yourself you figure out who you are, what you believe in and what you want in life.
7. You will be thankful for your memories-good or bad because it was how life was before your move-everything is different-you will look back with appreciation of both.
8. Your hometown will always be your hometown no matter where it is-I get overly giddy when I see someone wearing a Florida State shirt in Columbus-I met my husband (a Florida State grad), graduated high school, where my first job out of college was, and made friends that were considered family in that city.
9. Learn the meaning of sticking it out-the first winter was tough-it was the coldest on record in almost 20 years and I remember figuring out how to drive in the snow and comparing it to “muddin in the south”-I was so naive! There will be hard and fast differences-learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind open for them!
10. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it-you will learn about yourself, your relationships and life in general with a 1000-mile move. Embrace it and be ready for the challenges and the blessings the same.

The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha

I am all about being happy and positive in life so why read about it you may ask? I believe that like anything in life-happiness is a continuous cup that needs to be filled throughout life! What made us happy when we were kids is a lot different now-but that doesn’t mean I won’t say no to some chocolate ice cream!

I have always been a reader-usually pick up a book and put it down only to pick up later-this book was not that kind of book! I literally had my nose in it from the beginning to the end finishing it in less than a day! The author, Neil Pasricha writing style feels as though he’s like a close friend sharing his stories with you complete with his own scribbles to bring points home to the reader.  Another reason I felt lost in this book is because of how he labeled his chapters-they were instead called “Secrets” -so naturally I wanted them all ha-ha! No, but seriously it keeps the reader engaged and wanting more and learning from him and what he found to be the secret to happiness.

In these secrets or chapters-one that I believed I could incorporate into my life was the “7 ways to be happy right now” which included random acts of kindness and gratitude. Sounds simple- but are they really? It’s easy to forget to be grateful for things in life or to do random acts of kindness when you have a bad day or dealing with a heavy heart! I believe that these simple things alone help to turn a frown upside down or the very least make your challenges in life not seem so big!

One secret of this book was self-acceptance- from “3 simple steps to self-acceptance.” sounds daunting right? I thought so too-this guy is a Harvard grad-how could I have something in common with him? He also had problems with self-acceptance and lived to write about it! I read this section and a lightbulb went off and realized I was doing what he did and also, learned how to change my thinking! I really loved that even though the author, Neil Pasricha could have written this book from a business view point, he didn’t-instead he included many of his own personal stories and learning experiences to show how happiness affects all areas of your life.

Another secret that I took to heart was learning about was from “What can the healthiest one-hundred-year-olds in the world teach us?” “Ikigai (pronounced like “icky guy) which roughly means “the reason you wake up in the morning.” I learned that not only was this part of the Japanese culture but also instrumental in being a reason for their long-life spans! I loved his idea and what he did with his Ikigai which inspired me also.

A favorite secret was from “Removal #1: How to make every decision at twice the speed.”  Who doesn’t have difficulties with decision making? I totally admit I am not the fastest picking a place to eat, what nail color to wear, even sometimes my plans for the day-but reading this chapter or (Secret) made me realize not only the importance of speed because of how much time was being wasted being indecisive but also giving myself fewer choices to make the decision from. This chapter I really valued because I find myself not stressing over decisions nearly as much as before.

In addition to secrets the author also suggests “3 simple tests to uncovering the secret inside you.” to the reader which sounds entirely too much like school but stay with me on this one because these tests help to make you really think about what makes you happy from a different view point than I’d read elsewhere. These tests are also great to implement in life when making decisions or figuring something out.

Overall this book felt more like long conversation with my favorite professor that had traveled the globe understanding happiness and sharing his stories letting the reader figure it out for themselves.  I am beyond glad I read this because I felt connected to the stories, learned about myself and my happiness needs and desires in all areas of my life.

Things I have learned on my infertility journey:

1. Some doctor appointments don’t get easier and you may think you will remember those questions that have been circling your head-but still write them down. Trust me on this one-you will get nervous or overwhelmed or better yet-confused with medical verbiage! Just write them down. While you’re at it-Bring your cycle charts to each appointment-it’s easy to forget dates.
2. Seek the doctor’s advice- its ok to not like it or even agree with them but you then again you can see another doctor or 6 in my case! And after a while I even found myself speaking in TTC (Trying To Conceive) acronyms-it’s like a secret language you’ll learn to keep up with blogs and online info!
3. Ovulation Predictor Kits are cheaper on Amazon.
4. Prenatal Vitamins really do make your hair and nails grow long (this was my favorite benefit from all this so far!)
5. Apps like Ovia and Glow are great for tracking cycles and symptoms. Taking your basal temperature every morning is a pain in the ass, but awesome when it aligns with all of your other charts.
6. Pregnancy symptoms and cycle symptoms have extremely close resemblances and are completely not fair and will cause your mind to play games! You’ve been warned!
7. Keep an open line of communication with your significant other-two are more powerful than one! You will need the support and they will also!
8. That ironic feeling of when you want something-a new car-a new purse-oh I dunno, a pregnancy- suddenly it’s in your radar and its seems like everyone has it and effortlessly. You will see “Baby on board” signs in every car window, all of the pregnant women at Target, and suddenly every conversation will start with “do you have kids?” All of these will happen-I don’t have advice on how to handle it- because it will continue-I know that much!
9. There will be bad days-and sometimes it will feel like they out weigh the good ones-read blogs, listen to pod casts, get out and exercise, vent to friends and family that lets you talk-no one understands this journey except the ones on it-period! Remember You. Are. Not. Alone! P.s. Chocolate never hurts too!
10. Suddenly things like acupuncture, fertility massage, yoga, handstands after sex, looking up fertility saints, cough syrup (it’s a real thing) Feng shui, crystal magic, giving up caffeine, and vegan organic diets don’t sound so crazy-if it’ll work. Yes, these are just a few of real things that women try-and no in case you are wondering I have not tried them all-even I have limits!

I never thought I’d be 1 in 8 to deal with infertility but here I am. I feel like I am finally able to share my experiences of dealing with the condition for a few reasons including the openness of the blogging community- (a true Silent Sisterhood), stopping the shame or taboo talk and educating those who either don’t know or too scared or ashamed to ask.

So, to quote Maria in the Sound of Music: “Let’s start at the very beginning, A very good place to start!”

My husband and I were married on a beach at sunset that easily became the best day of my life! We spent the next few years in wedded bliss- traveling, working lucrative jobs, renovating our home in Florida, and spending time with family. We had always talked about children and what traits the kids would get-my eyes, his skin, my height, his math smarts, a name so perfect that today it still makes me smile, and we’d have one maybe two and always joked how twins would be perfect!

Once we thought the timing was right to start a family, weeks turned into months and we were having a good time, (ya know what I mean)! I began referencing apps to monitor my cycles, taking my basal temperature and using ovulation predictor kits in hopes something would be the magic trick. After about 8 months, my husband and I decided to go back to my OBGYN and discuss what was going on or lack thereof! I didn’t know then that appointment would be my first of many more on my journey into the unknown because as it turned out why we would need a more thorough approach to understanding why we were not pregnant yet.

We went from appointment to appointment trying to make sense of it all-all the while thinking-Why us? A literal money trail following us-(Side note-I really wish I could recoup all the money that I spent on birth control over the years!) from blood work, invasive tests, more blood work, boxes of Kleenex, medications, more blood work, lots of chocolate, and more medications, and then the multiple procedures that- all failed.  So much of it that I have pushed out of my head as not to relive it or think about the woulda, coulda and should haves. However, almost a year ago at our last appointment with a fertility specialist I remember sitting across the desk from him reviewing the latest tests and procedures and watching him shake his head in disbelief and repeating “but you are so healthy”. I don’t remember much after that appointment-but it was a turning point-I could finally point this part of my life into a different direction.

For me, there is really no need to discuss my actual infertility diagnosis-it doesn’t make a difference what the cause or reason is that infertility has impacted my life. The truth is that through my journey I have learned that there are literally over 10 causes-some cured with treatment such as the popular IVF and some- sadly not.

I read a great article recently that said, “Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered.” (https://thoughtcatalog.com/tim-hoch/2014/06/10-ways-youre-making-your-life-harder-than-it-has-to-be/) This struck a chord with me because almost a year later and it still hurts. I feel like infertility has robbed me of a lot-dreams I’ve had since a little girl playing with a doll, watching my husband be the amazing dad I always knew he would be, or finally using the perfect name we picked, but it has done a lot for me too. I am so thankful for my husband-he truly is my rock and has been by my side day in and day out-wiping away tears, being my side at every appointment, and offering his unconditional love.  Another area is the silent sisterhood of women I have met who are there for each other and know all your feelings because they are scared and sad too. I am most thankful for my faith because it has helped me get this far!

I’m not sure where the future will take me on this journey-I’m well aware that miracles happen and I will continue to pray for mine! In the meantime I hope I can be a voice for those who are on their journey as well!

First, I’d like to say welcome to this week’s blog edition for NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week)! You may have stumbled upon this as someone who is experiencing infertility yourself, know someone who is experiencing it, or want to learn more about this condition, whichever it is I hope this helps in some form or another.

I felt moved to talk about my infertility journey this year because the theme for NIAW 2018 is “Flip the Script” or to Change the conversation about infertility. I am choosing to share my story in hopes of washing away the stigma and silence that many women experience, including myself.

Before I started my journey over four years ago-I was naïve about fertility in general and its importance in starting a family and the problems that some women experience. Infertility can be an isolating condition to a lot of women and couples and unfortunately there is a lot of stigma still associated with it. A large part about the stigma with infertility is education. A lot of people don’t understand what it is, who is affected by it, how to react to someone’s diagnosis, and what the person or couple affected by it is experiencing.

Just how common is infertility? I wish I could say that it was a 1 in a million, condition-but the odds are closer to 1 in 8 couples! 1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC) (https://resolve.org/infertility-101/what-is-infertility/fast-facts/)

What is infertility? Infertility is defined as by The International Committee for Monitoring Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ICMART), is a disease characterized by the failure to establish a clinical pregnancy after 12 months of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse or due to an impairment of a person’s capacity to reproduce either as an individual or with his/her  partner.(https://resolve.org/infertility-101/what-is-infertility/)

Who gets it? Infertility is a medical problem. Approximately 30% of infertility is due to a female factor and 30% is due to a male factor. In the balance of the cases, infertility results from problems in both partners or the cause of the infertility cannot be explained. (https://resolve.org/infertility-101/infertility-faq/)

Things that I have learned about infertility:

1. If you are experiencing infertility-You are not alone. This has become my mantra on hard days!
2. Education really is key. Educating yourself, family members and friends helps everyone!
3. I am thankful for websites like resolve.org for education and giving people a place to go for information and support.
4. It’s 2018-its about time we say the F word and wipe away stigma! Take the pledge today! I did!  https://saythefword.com 
5. Its called a journey for a reason!